If there was anything I remember so vividly, it is the absolute feeling of despair. Like I was groping in the dark for something I did not understand. At only 14 years old I was a victim of depression. It all seemed hopeless when the very things I thought defined who I am came crumbling down before my eyes. It seemed like there was nothing else to hold on to and my fate was to yield helplessly to the gravity fall through a bottomless pit. I began to question everything I believed and had ever been taught – about God, His existence, my existence. What did any of it even mean? I was searching for real answers. Something ‘tangible’ that I could hold on to.
In one of my darkest moments, on the hard tiles of the bathroom floor, coiled up to my knees I dared to put Him to test and it went something like this – “God I’m not really sure you exist, I know I have grown up knowing that you do, but very recently it just feels I have just been told stories that dont really add up. I want to know for sure if you are really there…” now with such genuine and profound desire deeper than the depths that gravity might have pulled me, the tears began to well up, “I really want to know if you are there, I don’t know what I’m doing right now, please bring me out of this mess, I want to know you if you are real”. The tears slowly graduated into deep sobs that I could not really understand, more like uncontrollably now. Something was happening to me that I had never experienced in my life before – there was such a peace that washed over me that night. It felt like I had just had a good shower but on the inside. I slept so peacefully and somehow I knew for sure that He heard me. ‘God is real!’ I remember exclaiming to myself. I was so excited! I had just made the best discovery of my life! It was an undebatable encounter.
That night was the beginning of many miracles that began to take place in my life. Things just began to line up not so much the challenges that I was going through than the transformation that was taking place in me. There were many days I was drawn away from normally exciting events like a family movie night to bask in a glorious presence that I could not understand. There was no other place I wanted to be. I happened to have this massive closet in my room then that turned to be our meeting place – the Holy Spirit and I. I would lie flat on my face many times in silence just basking in a presence that was too beautiful for words to explain. And then the day came when I began to utter ‘unintelligent’ words that came out as whispers but with such a force and with such ease that I would try to catch myself but enjoyed it regardless, so I would continue.
These were very precious moments that marked the beginning of the journey that I still am on. A life of the supernatural influence and power of God. You too can experience this too! All it takes is a genuine desire to know Him. He is calling out to you today….He wants you to know how much He loves you and He wants you to live your life from that realm of His love. You might have questions like I did, but don’t be afraid and dare to seek for answers and I can assure you that you would find Him. He is waiting for you!
John 7:37 – “Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.