Q1: What was life like before you were born again? More specifically, what was your view point on life like? i.e people, yourself etc
I like to call it Life before Christ. . . and life before Christ for me was basically being religious about Christianity and morals; not necessarily asking questions but doing whatever I was being told to do in line with showing that I was truly a Christian and at a point in those moments, I begin to realize that people are more complicated than they project and Christianity was more like a battlefield and no one is safe. . . like you really don’t know people and just because you see them raising hands every service and smiling at you doesn’t mean that’s who they truly are! People care about posts and self-righteousness than they truly care about Christ and brotherly love. It was more like, I got lost early, became thoughtful early and journeyed finding self when others were busy being guided.
Q2: What was the deal breaker for you to make the decision receive Christ into your life?
My deal breaker was actually giving up on God, questioning His existence till I got to a place where I had to renew my mind; like I realized I was fighting the wrong war and I was staying mad at the wrong person. . . who stays mad at her creator? Me! Why? Because I felt God abandoned when He could have actually come through for me and in between the anger, the pain, the shame, the depression, fatigue and loss of appetite for His presence, I realized He kept me and He wouldn’t hurt me at all and sometimes when I think about those moments I cry like I’m doing right now because it was ignorance – you know when you realize someone was there all along and all He wanted to do was help you and there you were thinking He caused your pain and you just don’t wanna hear Him speak talk more of hold you in His arms but still I was ignorant thinking that my stubbornness was strong enough to push Him away ‘because how could I have survived those moments if He didn’t damn my stubbornness and carried me on His arms – the Bible spoke of sin as the cause of separation of the people of Judah from God but mine was lack of understanding. I didn’t understand God so I took it all out on Him but He understood my lack of understanding and bore me safely in His arms.
Q3: How did that change when you became born again?
Basically, a lot of things had to change and this change was gradual because the environment changed. I was used to so many things and God had different rules, routines, regimen and you know the beautiful thing is His things were way better but the peak of it for me was knowing with God, things don’t always come packaged shinny and dreamy. Sometimes you gonna get hurt to grow (growing pains) and above all, knowing that God was aware that adjustments always come with going back and forth and He’s not gonna use against us. There were days when I wouldn’t feel like God and would feel like is this any better? And I would just lock up but God gets it; we are the ones who try to project a kind of God that doesn’t understand on ourselves. Like we wanna make God mad at us by force! God is love – it’s not a characteristics; it’s His persona. . . He wouldn’t suffer anyone of His children to be! He’s very persistent!
Q4: What is the most exciting thing about your relationship with God?
The most exciting thing about my relationship with God is learning to Trust! I’m a worrier; had anxiety issues and some days I would have to tell myself Be anxious for nothing – won’t you just cast your cares upon Him. Not trusting God was pretty easy for me because I had once felt He abandoned me but trusting Him was way harder. . . it challenged me; made me to be uncomfortable – it was outta my comfort zone thing you know! I think Trust is just the thing – learning to trust Him, His timing, His instructions, His guidance, His provisions, the situations I’m in – that just like Job, even if I don’t understand it, why it had to be, why it’s happening over again, when it would end, never will I feel abandoned and this year basically I grew in my trust relationship because it was pretty rough but I could feel Him all around me; I could hear Him speak and then I realized, it’s God or nothing else and I learnt to personalize God! He’s mine.
Q5: Can you give a short account of a particular incident that was evidence of your vital relationship with God or your coming into a new life in Christ?
I’m a beneficiary of God’s grace gift. You know that song by James Fortune Grace Gift! That’s what I enjoyed. All through myself, I’ve basically gone from one abuse to the other – from 15 till I was 23; had moments of failures, delay and setbacks – had to be my one and only fan. There were days I really craved that someone would believe in me so it would help me believe in myself; days I wanted to give up! There were really depressive and suicidal moments – I battled unforgiveness, anger, letting go, being hopeful. I was lost but I had my soul untainted. Somehow, I was still nice, friendly, sacrificial, still had love; there weren’t so many people like me who are beautifully broken; many are badly broken and you know what, I realized this very year, that some didn’t go through half of what I did and they’ve lost their mind, body and soul and some who have been through worse or same are not different but I like to think I am and if I am that’s not because I’m superhuman but because God wouldn’t let go of me ‘cause I like to wonder if God had let go, probably would have been an example of worst case scenario! I have a growing career (I was surprised the day someone left a comment on a picture I took with a particular person – this person had uploaded it and she was like is that Ibukunwrites from Instagram and I was like wow!); I’ve had opportunities to showcase what I can do and I trust God for more, bigger and better because I’m His project and He knows what He’s doing and my manifestation is in stages and I’m learning to trust each one of them. Finally, I also believe I have a ministry and in His time, God will unravel that blossoming ministry because I know He’s working on me so constantly – morning, day and night and even though some of it comes in growing pains but I’m more than a conqueror.
Written by: @ibukunwrites. Check out her blog